Question Your Suffering
My husband worked as a hospital chaplain in New York City for five years.
My husband worked as a hospital chaplain in New York City for five years. This means that he offered spiritual and emotional care to people who were facing great pain and suffering in their lives, either from an injury, illness, or death.
My husband is also a natural and beautiful storyteller.
Combine these two elements - hospital chaplain and storyteller - and you can be sure that over the years I have heard many stories over the dinner table and I have wept many times…
On his deathbed, an absent father with a debilitating throat condition somehow or other uttered the words, “I am sorry,” to his son.
A man who waited years for a heart transplant; at last he received a new heart and went home to his wife and child. Days later he returned to the hospital because fluid gathered in his chest.
A little girl who suddenly came down with a terminal illness and died weeks later. My husband sang for her on her deathbed.
He was there for people when they heard the news that multiple family members had died in a car accident, when doctors told patients they had cancer, he accompanied family members to the morgue, comforted nurses who were on the verge of emotional breakdown, counseled women with eating disorders and people suffering from addiction, and much, much more.
Countless stories of pain and suffering.
So many stories.
And he is only one chaplain in one hospital.
Srila Prabhupad writes in the Introduction to The Bhagavad-gita that, “Unless one is awakened to this position of questioning his suffering, unless he realizes that he doesn’t want suffering but rather wants to make a solution to all suffering, then one is not to be considered a perfect human being.” Suffering seems like such an integral aspect to being alive, but Prabhupad emphasizes here that we need to question our suffering.
How revolutionary.
Spiritual life begins when we question the reality of our suffering here. Like, hold on, I don’t have to suffer?
Then what am I meant to do??
What is the solution to all suffering?
What am I meant to do that is beyond the pain and suffering of this world, something that will give me joy with no end?
This questioning, this inquiry, is called brahma-jijnasa, which means an “inquiry into the Absolute Truth” (Brahma-sutra). Srila Prabhupad even declares that “Humanity begins when this sort of inquiry is awakened in one’s mind.” The phrase ‘humanity begins’ is significant in this context. After all, all living beings are suffering day in and day out - from the insects to cats to dolphins to human beings. This is easy to understand. But to realize that we don’t have to suffer - this is a revolutionary concept and a privilege that human beings can access.
True humanity does not begin with altruism or the pursuit of the arts or creating nice families.
Humanity begins when we question our suffering.
The ultimate way we can question our suffering is to question death. Sure, we all know that we’ll die. But on a gut, instinctual level, we don’t want to die. Not a single living entity wants to die.
Why? Why don’t we want to die? If death is so natural, why is it that we never seem to get comfortable with the prospect?
My husband is now a hospice chaplain; he solely offers emotional and spiritual care to people who are dying.
Death. Every day, day in and day out.
Now every time my husband tells me a story over the dinner table, I feel my own heart whir and pound in my chest. I consider my own life, the value of my every breath.
Why am I here?
How come I suffer?
Where will I go when I leave this world?
When I die will I ever see and hug my husband again?
Who AM I?
Srila Prabhupad encourages me and every reader of the Bhagavad-gita in the Introduction: question your suffering. Your humanity begins now. This is brahma-jijnasa.
Link to full Introduction to the Bhagavad-gita As It Is: https://vedabase.io/en/library/bg/introduction/